Just Another Day for James and Sirius
by LynstHolin
Summary: James Potter and Sirius Black attempt to sneak into the Hufflepuff common room; Lily Evans is still not impressed with James. Short and light.


"No one who isn't a Hufflepuff has ever gotten into the Hufflepuff common room in all the centuries of Hogwarts' existence, but many have tried," James Potter pontificated. As he spoke he had his eyes on Lily Evans, who was sitting on a couch picking Muggle clothing out of a catalog.

Sirius was sprawled out on a rug with his chin on his hands, dandified in a puffy-sleeved paisley shirt and purple bell-bottoms. "Why would anyone _want_ to get into the Hufflepuff common room?" he asked.

"Because there is a wondrous secret to be found there."

Lily snorted at James' pompous tone.

"There is a statue of Helga Hufflepuff herself there, and it is adorned with a necklace. It looks like cheap, tarnished silver, but any non-Hufflepuff who takes the necklace will be granted his true love!"

Lily looked up, obviously irritated. "If no non-Hufflepuff has ever successfully gotten to the statue, how do you know the story is true?"

James made a flamboyant dramatic with his arms. "Have you no romance in your soul, m'lady?"

"I'm not your anything, Potter." Lily tossed the catalog on a table and walked toward the girls' dorms.

James stared at her denim-clad back view as she left. "I don't like when she leaves, but I do like to watch her walk away."

"Ever notice that you only act like a pompous prat when Lily's around? You can make most of the girls at Hogwarts drop their knickers just by looking at them. Why are you so hung up on the only one who doesn't fancy you?"

"You don't like the thrill of the chase?"

Sirius sat up and tossed his black rock-star mane. "I'd rather just get to the getting to. So, you want to try to get the necklace, then?"

"I thought you didn't think the Hufflepuff common room was very interesting."

"It sounds dead boring, actually. It's full of _Hufflepuffs_. But hearing that no non-Hufflepuff has ever gotten in-you know I can't say no to that kind of challenge."

...

James swaggered through the halls in tight jeans and a wash-worn tee. The smirk on his face made it clear he knew how good he looked. A slim blonde in a peasant blouse and no bra batted her eyelashes at him. "Want to go to Madame Puddifoot's?"

"Sorry, love, I'm not going to Hogsmeade today."

The blonde pouted, then shrieked as she was hit by McGonagal's Temporary Bra spell. "I truly hate that spell," Sirius said as he caught up with James. "It ruins the scenery."

They ducked into a niche, pulled James' invisibility cloak over them, and waited for a first or second year Hufflepuff to happen by. A tiny boy in a yellow and black sweater strolled by them picking his nose, and the two Marauders tiptoed after him. They followed him down a staircase to a hallway that was toasty warm and redolent of fresh bread and roast beef. The voices of house elves, ranging from helium squeaks to basso profundo croaks, could be heard through the kitchen door. The boy paused before a large stack of barrels and wiped his finger on the wall opposite. He reached out a hand to the barrels. _Tap, tap, tap-tap-tap_. One of the barrels swung open, and the boy crawled into it. The barrel immediately swung shut.

Sirius and James inched forward. "Which barrel was it?" James whispered.

"That one. But how do we know it's the same barrel each time?"

"Hmm. Good point. Well, we'll pick at random. What's the worst that could happen if we guess wrong?"

"I feel good about this one right here. What was the knock?"

"Tap, tap, tap-tap-tap-tap."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah."

"Here goes, then." Sirius rapped a barrel end. _Tap, tap, tap-tap-tap-tap_. Gallons and gallons of clear liquid gushed out of thin air, completely dousing them in seconds. Sirius yelped. "My eyes! It burns! Is it acid? Is my skin melting off? _Not my pretty face!_"

"It's vinegar. Can't you smell it? It's up my nose. I don't think I'll ever be able to smell anything else again."

A fourth year Hufflepuff emerged from a barrel end and stared at the boys. "What are you doing? And why are you wrapped in a sheet?"

"You can see us?" James asked.

"Of course I can see you. You think you're invisible or something?"

"NO NO OH NO NO NO NO NO." James tore the non-functioning invisibility cloak off of them and ran up the stairs. Sirius followed as best he could with his tear-streaming eyes. James slammed through the door of the first bathroom he saw, shoving someone out of the way so he could get to a sink. He ignored indignant squawking as he ran water over the cloak and prayed. "Oh pleasepleasepleaseplease. My dad'll kill me, he really will! It's been in our family since forever!" He wrung it out and draped it over his hand. YES! It worked again! He started kissing the wet cloth noisily.

The person he had shoved out of the way was giggling. It was Lily. He gave her a sheepish smile. "You do realize you're in the girls' toilets, right?" she asked.

Sirius, who was at the next sink washing his eyes out, let out a small 'oops'.

"You smell like an Italian salad, and you're kissing a wet rag, but I'm supposed to believe you're utterly irresistible?" Still giggling, Lily exited the bathrrom.

James looked gobsmacked. "Lily Evans smiled at me!"

"No, she was_ laughing _at you. There's a difference."

"She _smiled_ at me. It was like looking at an angel."

"An angel that thinks you're a moron." Sirius examined his bloodshot eyes in a mirror.

James put one hand over his heart and raised the other toward the ceiling. "She is going to be my wife and bear my child!"

"When pigs fly."

James was right, of course.


End file.
